So I got laid off...

SO I GOT LAID OFF...

So I got laid off. It seemed to have blindsided me, as well as many others. This was one of those mass company wide lay-offs that have been plaguing the (especially tech) world lately. Fuck.

It’s funny, grief hits us in different ways. My FIRST instinct, being the creator that I am, was to get on LinkedIn and write a post. And it’s getting a ton of attraction so that’s good, right? But I have so much I want to share. Each moment just hits me differently. It’s almost like watching your own funeral, you know? I’m sitting there, watching the comments flood in…the comments of love and praise and encouragement and endorsement and fond memories. The outpouring of coworkers who contacted me and shared information about me and referred me is nothing short of overwhelming. It’s outstanding. But, I’m watching it happen around me… like I’m a ghost? These comments warm my heart and make me feel so valued…but in a way, these comments are referencing the past. It’s a time I’m no longer a part of. (Also, I just gotta say it: You have to say nice things at a funeral, you know? So it kinda makes you think…) No but really, I do know the positive impact I had. And I’m processing this grief like I did when I lost my dad. Obviously, ENTIRELY different circumstances, but my body is doing the same thing. When I found out, I spent all day on the phone with various friends and colleagues. I was talking for 10+ hours straight. I didn’t eat. I didn’t drink water. I was hyped on bad adrenaline. I was shaking. I walked around my neighborhood with no destination and no time limit…just wandering aimlessly. And it hit me, that’s what I did when I lost my dad. The grief moved through me like crazy Jazz notes on a page— up, down, jumbled, loud, soft, all at once, all silent, jumpy, still, UNHINGED. (Although I am proud to say I’m handling it alone without NEEDING to depend on others for fear of being alone with my own thoughts ((that’s what happened when I lost my dad. And lots of bourbon (((yay for dry January so I can’t fall on that…yet))).

ANYWAY. I’m a performer (duh, you’re on my acting website). I’m an artist. A creator. That’s in my bones. My blood. My DNA. I can’t shake that. But this job came to me when I needed it most. This corporate + stable job that also challenged me in ways I never thought were possible. Oh wait, want to read my sexy LinkedIn post? It kind of sums it all up. Here:

Hi LinkedIn network,
It seems I've joined the many wonderful people who have been impacted by mass layoffs in the past couple of weeks. Ah, my heart hurts. You know? It hurts. And my ego hurts. And I'm just sad. Sad because I loved going to work...I loved brightening everyone's day. I got such joy from being a source of light for others.

”I have LOVED my last 10 months with Leap. This was my first official full-time "corporate" job. I was an artist before this. Before Leap, I had been an actor, a writer, a comedian, a bartender, an administrator, and an overall shapeshifter! I adapted with the winds...moved and transformed, played different roles, ebbed and flowed. Then, when the pandemic happened, I shifted my vision a bit. I started taking different kinds of jobs. Then, the worst thing happened... I lost my father. I asked the universe for help. For some stability. Not long after that ask, I received an inmail from Kristina Rothenberg at Leap. She wanted to chat about some opportunities. So I began interviewing. I ended up receiving my offer letter for Leap on my dad's birthday. Fate. Kismet. Whatever you believe in. (Thank you for finding me, K!)

My time at Leap has been invaluable. I felt empowered more than I ever have. I met and worked with some of the most incredible people in the world. I was stretched in ways beyond what I could have imagined. I learned to integrate all the parts of myself and kick ass at this job. And so, I'm grateful.

That being said, I am open to work and I am so excited to continue this journey. Maybe it's still Recruitment. Maybe more coordination. Maybe it's another function. Maybe it's content creation on another level, writing, HR, more customer-facing, acting + comedy (but that'll always be me 😊 ), or some new adventure. The world is my oyster. It's all of our oysters (what does that saying even MEAN!?)”

Pretty good right? Almost 10K impressions. Let’s go fully viral, pleaseeeeee.

But yeah, I feel a little lost right now. Aimless. Wandering around. Hey, I’m no stranger to losing a job. But in the acting world, that’s par for the course! That’s what you’re signing up for. Rejection daily? AWESOME. But I finally found something that really emphasized my value and made me feel like I had ownership of my life. Eh, life moves in mysterious ways. I did get my first true audition in 10 months today. The day after I got laid off. I was walking around with another impacted coworker friend and I received the email. For a PLAY nonetheless. My immediate thought was, oh I can’t commit to a play because of work (I was fortunate enough to have had a flexible job where I probably could have taken a one day acting job on a TV series, but never a full-time play). But then I realized, oh wait. Yes I CAN. And the part is perfect for me. So, let’s see. I’m feeling hopeful now (I’ll probably be a blubbering mess later but…all we have is now). Grief is a bitch. You know? I’m ebbing, I’m flowing, I’m watching my own funeral pan out (it’s pretty good)…who else will show up?